| In this article What an ADHD diagnosis actually means for your child Why it’s not your parenting, and not their intelligence Why school can feel so hard, and what helps What to do in the first few weeks after diagnosis |
The report is in your hands, and it says ADHD. Maybe you suspected it. Maybe it’s come as a shock. Either way, you’re probably asking the question every parent asks next: what now?
You’re not alone, and there is a way forward.
Does This Sound Familiar? Signs of ADHD at School and at Home
Perhaps it started at school. Teacher feedback kept mentioning the same things: disrupting the class, calling out, struggling to sit still, not paying attention, or not finishing set tasks.
That may have surprised you. At home, you’d describe your child as happy, curious, creative and full of energy. Cheerful and caring. Yes, the bedroom is a mess. They’re forgetful, they lose things, and unexpected changes to routine upset them more than you’d expect. But nothing that seemed to add up to a problem.
Then, as the term went on, things changed. Your normally energetic child came home exhausted, grumpy and less like themselves. The forgetfulness got worse. Small surprises triggered full meltdowns.
Getting out the door each morning became a battle, and those battles started to wear on the whole family. Friendships and learning began to suffer. The calls from school came more often.
An ADHD assessment was suggested. Now the psychologist’s report has confirmed it.
What an ADHD Diagnosis Actually Means
Your child’s report will usually describe one of three types (clinicians now often call them “presentations”):
- Predominantly inattentive: difficulty focusing, following instructions and staying organised
- Predominantly hyperactive/impulsive: difficulty sitting still, waiting and thinking before acting
- Combined: a mix of both
A child’s presentation can shift as they grow, so this isn’t a fixed label.
Behind each type sits a difference in executive function: the brain’s “management system” that helps us plan, organise, remember instructions, manage time and regulate emotions.
ADHD researcher Dr Russell Barkley suggests children with ADHD may be around 30% behind their peers in self-regulation. For a 10-year-old, managing emotions may look more like a 7-year-old. That can explain a lot about the meltdowns.
Why ADHD Often Looks Different in Girls
ADHD doesn’t look the same in every child. In girls, hyperactivity is often less obvious. It may show up as constant fidgeting, fiddling, doodling or chatting rather than running around the classroom. Many girls are overlooked altogether, especially bright girls who can mask their struggles for years.
Recent Australian research from Monash University found boys are diagnosed at around twice the rate of girls in childhood. The researchers suggest this reflects underdiagnosis in girls and women, not a real difference.
It’s Not Your Parenting, and It’s Not Their Intelligence
This is the most important thing I want you to hear: your child’s ADHD is not caused by poor parenting, and it has nothing to do with a lack of intelligence.
ADHD is a neurological difference in how the brain manages attention, emotions and activity levels during everyday tasks.
It also runs strongly in families. Many adults only recognise their own ADHD after their child is diagnosed. If you’re reading this and quietly recognising yourself, you’re far from the first.
Recognising my own ADHD later in life has been validating and reassuring. I had always attributed my difficulties at school to lack of intelligence; I missed many opportunities because I did not trust my ability and feared the shame of failure.
In my case, it was not the diagnosis of my own child or sibling that alerted me to this truth but working with other diagnosed children and feeling a depth of understanding that initially made no sense to me.
Why the Classroom Is So Hard for an ADHD Brain
A typical classroom asks children to sit still, stay quiet and hold their focus for long stretches. Those are exactly the things an ADHD brain finds hardest.
Busy brains often learn best when they’re moving. They may struggle to hold onto ideas for long, tend to think out loud, and find that sounds and movement around them constantly grab their attention. Even silence can be distracting.
One of my senior students found that music helped her concentrate and block out background noise. With her teachers’ approval, she began wearing headphones in class. It was a small change that made a real difference.
Feeling Overwhelmed? What to Do in the First Few Weeks
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. You don’t need to fix everything at once. Here’s where to start.
1. Talk to the school about adjustments
Under the Disability Standards for Education 2005, all Australian schools, public and private, must consult with you and ‘make reasonable adjustments’ so your child can learn on the same basis as other students (Fact Sheet 2: Disability Standards for Education 2005 – Department of Education, Australian Government).
Ask for a meeting with your child’s teacher, and the learning support coordinator if there is one. Bring the report, and ask:
- What adjustments and accommodations can be put in place in the classroom?
- How will we keep in touch about how it’s going?
- When will we review it together?
In Western Australian schools, these details are usually discussed with parents and recorded in your child’s Individual Education Plan. Accommodations may include movement breaks, seating position, instructions given one step at a time, noise-cancelling headphones and more.
2. Plan for the after-school crash
Holding it together all day at school takes enormous effort. Many children with ADHD let go as soon as they get home, where they feel safe. That’s why the exhausted, grumpy child at 3.30 pm is so common.
Homework can be an unrealistic expectation. Agree with their teacher to eliminate this burden, or at least reduce the load to only what is essential. Have teacher provide clear instructions – printed or emailed.
3. Calming meltdowns at home
Remember that a meltdown is not naughtiness but an expression of overwhelming feelings which at that moment your child cannot manage. When your child is in the middle of a meltdown, they can’t reason, and neither can most of us. In the moment, aim for calm, not consequences. The conversation can come later.
I suggest to parents that they have a pre-agreed understanding with their child about what to do when a meltdown hits. This could be a special place they can go, like their cubby house, or their room and listen to calming music, or 15 minutes on the trampoline.
4. Look after yourself
Supporting a child with ADHD is a marathon, not a sprint. Talk with other parents and take breaks when you can. If some of what you’re reading sounds familiar for you too, it may be worth talking to your own GP.
Is ADHD a Disability?
Legally, yes. In Australia, ADHD is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act, and the Disability Standards for Education require schools to make reasonable adjustments for your child. That label is what opens the door to support, so use it.
But it doesn’t define who your child is. ADHD is a difference in how their brain manages attention, emotion and time. Unrecognised and unsupported, it can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Understood and supported, the same curious, energetic, creative child you know at home can thrive.
The diagnosis isn’t an excuse for failure, and it shouldn’t limit what your child can achieve. Understand their difficulties while focusing on their strengths and talents, and you can help them build the confidence and resilience to reach their potential.
Where to Learn More
The more you understand ADHD, the more confident you’ll feel. Read widely, listen to podcasts, and talk with other parents. Good places to start:
My book: A Life Misunderstood
A Life Misunderstood brings together my 40+ years in classrooms and my own late-recognised ADHD, with practical strategies for home and school.
Australian resources
- ADHD Australia: the national ADHD advocacy and support organisation
- Australian ADHD Guideline: Consumer Companion: a plain-English version of the national ADHD guideline, written for individuals and families
- Raising Children Network: ADHD and their ADHD webinar
Voices worth following
- Dr Russell Barkley: author, speaker and retired clinical professor of psychiatry, known for his work on ADHD and executive function
- Dr Thomas E. Brown: psychologist known for his model of ADHD as an executive-function difference
- Mel Robbins: podcaster and mother, who has spoken openly about her own adult ADHD diagnosis
Frequently Asked Questions
Will my child grow out of ADHD?
ADHD is neurologically based and usually lifelong, but how it shows up often changes as children grow. With understanding, support and the right strategies, many children learn to manage it well.
Should I tell my child they have ADHD?
In most cases, yes, in a way that suits their age. Children often already sense they are somehow different from most of their peers which can lead to lowered self -esteem. Hearing that their brain works differently, not wrongly, can be a huge relief and may avoid them suffering depression, a common issue for students with ADHD.
Does my child need medication?
That’s a decision for you and your child’s paediatrician or psychiatrist. My role is non-clinical: practical, everyday strategies for home and school that work alongside whatever path you choose.
Can ADHD and dyslexia occur together?
Yes, and quite often. Around 25–40% of children with one also meet the criteria for the other. Read more in Are ADHD and Dyslexia Related?
| About the author: Phillipa J Eagle is a literacy specialist, educator and author based in Perth, Western Australia. With a Master’s in Education, over 40 years of teaching across primary, secondary and tertiary education, and her own late-recognised ADHD, she offers practical, non-clinical support for parents and teachers. She is the author of A Life Misunderstood. Not sure where to start? Request a free brief discussion with Phillipa. |
